Ini entry rindu. I dreamt of UK last night. I was there and it was snowing and I had a great time playing with snow. The dream seemed real cus in it, I kind of remember that it's almost December and it's quite early for UK especially Norwich to snow at this time. When I woke up, I can only think of Norwich and UK and how good it is to be there. 

I miss getting on the flight. I miss the long hour flight. I miss the transit. I miss the airport. I miss the on-flight foods. I miss UK. I miss Norwich. I miss the cold weather. I miss the casual rainy days. I miss the apartment. I miss  the biryani rice from the restaurant across the street. I miss the people. I miss the feeling of safety while walking around the foreign streets in UK. I miss winter. I miss the frozen lakes and the rivers and how I always love walking on the ice in an attempt to break it. I miss snow. I miss going to perfume kiosk of Debenhams Norwich and just spent hours there sniffing at all perfumes. Over and over and over till the shop closed. I miss going to M&S to shop for foods. I miss going into luxury boutiques without that can-you-afford-it?-look. I miss the sincerity of British people especially when I shop. They smile at you nicely. I miss Lotus. I miss the routes from the apartment to Lotus. I miss the sceneries. I miss the river in Norwich. I miss getting myself a cup of coffe from Starbucks and enjoyed it in the cold weather. I miss the ducks at Lotus. I miss spring. I miss Sakura. I miss Wales. God..I miss everything about UK. Rindunya...

But it's hard to share this feeling with other people. Ada orang yang akan salah sangka and bam...i will be regarded as..hmmm...no exact words to say it. Pathetic.

24112012: 12.20am

AlFatihah buatmu Mohd Aliff Rosli. Ya Allah, ampunkanlah segala dosanya. Rahmatilah rohnya. Tempatkannya di kalangan insan-insan yang Kau sayangi. Amiin...

_________________________________________________________________________________

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya setiap yang hidup pasti akan mati. Life is too short. Semalam kita tengok org tu elok jek. Sedar2 esok dah takde. 

Semalam aku mimpi mak hilang. Puas aku cari mak tapi tak jumpa-jumpa. Real sungguh mimpi tu. Bila sedar jek, aku mengucap panjang. Aku tak mampu lagi hidup tanpa mak. Aku jarang balik rumah. Kol mak pun jarang tapi sungguh, aku masih belum bersedia untuk kehilangannya. Sedangkan abah takde pun sampai sekarang aku masih sedih, ni kan pulak mak.

People always take life for granted. Me included. We, humans, never realize how important things or people are, until they're gone. Pathetic. Isn't it?

Abah, 

I miss you. Do wait for me. I can't wait to see you. May Allah grant my prayer. Aamiin.

I know dreams are BS but I'm still hoping you would come in my dreams. All of us, together. Doing our usual weekend activity, sightseeing or going to the beach. Now I know why I love beaches & sightseeing. It's because of you.

Abah,

I'm sorry I didn't visit you during raya this year. But you're always in my thoughts & prayers. I promise to visit you when I'm back in Kuantan. I will spend some time talking to you. Please be patience.

Abah,

I went to your kampung when I was on my way back to Kuantan during Ramadhan. I stopped the car a few meters from your mom's house. Gosh. I felt like you were sitting next to me. I felt like I'm flying back into times when we used to spend our raya there. I felt weird cus after 14 years, I'm at your kampung. Your birth place. 

Abah,

I have some good news. You already have 2 grandchildren. A boy named Muhammad Naim Aziz & a girl named Nur Fatimah Syuhada. Both of them are Khairul's. They are sooooo adorable. Naim is 3 years old now and getting smarter & more handsome each day. Fatimah (i know, that's fav name) just learned to walk. They both really reminds me of Khairul & I. Love to fight. Mak has slowly introduced you to them. I guess Mak is missing you too. Oh, and another news is I'm engaged! I'm getting married in 8 months time :)  How I wish you're here, and become the tok kadi. 

Abah, 

15 years have passed since your death but guess what. Talking about you, your death and our memories still bring tears to my eyes. Time does heal everything but when it comes to you, it doesn't heal. And I think it won't. 

Abah,

I wish I have your strong spirit and your personality. The only thing that I inherited from you is your body. Kurus kering ^_^

Gosh, it's late. I have to go. Time to sleep. I won't forget my promise to visit you...and please, come and visit me too.

ILOVEUALWAYS

Al-fatihah...

I was on the way to commuter station, in a cab, when I suddenly remember my dreams the night before. I saw you in my dream. You were on the soccer field, laughing with your friends. You must be having a great time, I think. 

Why were you in my dream? After a long long time. I do remember you sometimes. I always think we were meant to be together. Not 'that' together. Together in a sense that we will be good friends till we get old. Together in a sense that we know each other's partner. Together in a sense that our kids will be good friends too. That's what I always feel. Until I received the news of your death.

Dear friend, dreams mean nothing. But I take it positively, maybe it's telling me that I too will die one day and I should get myself fully prepared for it. Al-Fatihah to you. Till we meet again...

Hey Blog,

Long time no see kan :) 

I miss u. Lots. True story. I always have these words, sentences on my mind which I plan to scribble on you but when I open you, all those words are gone. Vanish. Just like that. I wonder why. I guess opening up to you is getting difficult as time goes by. I'm going back to the plain ol' me, keeping things just to myself. Which is NOT GOOD. 

I wanna share with you a few things. Firstly, I'm so glad my mom raised me up to be independent. Throughout my life I was taught not to depend to others unless I really really really have to. You see, when I first started working in Proton, I have no money, no transport, no friends, no house. With the help of an old friend via sms, I found a place where I could...well, maybe not comfortable to live, not a decent house either, but it's just nice for me. I made new friends. They are my housemates. They might not be highly educated, but they are what I call, decent friends. Who were always warm to me, cooked the nicest food I've ever tasted, took care of the house, etc. 

It was July 1st 2010. My first day at Proton. I had no transport. But that is not an excuse for me to not to go to work. I took the bus. Every single day. Before 6.45am, I'll be waiting at the bus stop. I love going to work by bus. I actually miss that. But I hate the part of crossing the roads. They are too jam packed with cars, lorries, buses and worst of all, motorcycles. It usually took me 5 to 10 minutes to cross the roads. Have to be at perfect timing cus you see, it's a 3-lane roads. Both ways. Going back after work was the hardest part. The bus that I took were from KL. And it has many stops. Add the traffic jams, sometimes I have to wait for an hour for it to arrive at Proton. On a very very  bad day which is raining day, I waited up to 2 hours. Amazingly, I managed to live this life for a year! And now, each time I see people waiting at the bus stop, it brings back the memories. I regard them as part of my bitter sweet life. I do have tears each time I go back in time, remembering all this hard part. I complaint every now and then but I always say to myself, whatever happens now are actually a part of god's preparation for me to face the future. 

Oh...It's almost 4pm. I plan to go out. By bus :) Need to get ready now or else it'll be too late.

I'll see you when I see you!! daa...

Kisah Norma & Talib...

Tak tau mcm mana nk mulakan..yg pasti aku sedih. Air mata menitik-nitik masa entry ni ditulis. Amazing kan..i never knew this lady, but her story & her death really struck me. 

Siapa Norma? Siapa Talib? 

Norma seorang wanita biasa, macam aku jugak. Aku rasa dia antara wanita yg paling bertuah di dunia ni. Dikurniakan dengan wajah yg cantik..bijak..mempunyai pekerjaan yg paling mulia di dunia..pendidik anak bangsa. Seorang anak yg sgt2 disayangi keluarga. Seorang isteri kepada seorang lelaki yg benar2 menyayanginya..serta seorang ibu kepada seorang bayi lelaki yg sgt comel..Rafiq. Ya Allah..dia memang seorang wanita yg sgt bertuah.

Langit x selalunya indah..saat Norma melahirkan Rafiq, dia disahkan menghidap kanser otak. Saat itulah, hidupnya mula berubah. Dari seorang yg ceria, Norma terus hilang keupayaan untuk berdiri, bercakap, mkn, menguruskan dirinya, apatah lagi menguruskan suami & anaknya. Tapi aku ada cakap kan..Norma seorang wanita yg bertuah?

Talib...seorang suami yg biasanya hanya muncul dalam novel cinta atau dalam filem2 cinta ataupun dlm cerekerama di kaca TV. Ya Allah...bertuahnya Norma bersuamikan Talib. Saat ramai lelaki diluar sana yg suka mempermainkan cinta, mempermainkan wanita yg mencintai mereka sepenuh hati, masih ada lagi rupanya lelaki seperti Talib. Setia menjaga isteri yg dicintainya. Isteri yg sesungguhnya hanya mampu terbaring, tak mampu bercakap, yg hilang keupayaan untuk melakukan segala perkara. Tapi Talib tetap sabar... Terharu, terasa betapa sayang dan kasihnya Talib pada Norma. Sehingga menitis air matanya saat dia tak mampu memahami apa yg Norma cuba sampaikan.. Sungguh..bertuah Norma.

Kasih ibu membawa ke syurga. Dari saat Norma sakit, hinggalah ke akhir hayatnya, jarang sekali ibu Norma meninggalkan anaknya. Saat Talib perlu bekerja mencari rezeki, ibu Norma setia menemani Norma, menjaganya sepertimana dia pernah menjaga Norma ketika bayi. Ya Allah..betapa besarnya pengorbanan wanita tua itu. Engkau rahmatilahnya Ya Allah... Norma, Norma sgt bertuah.

Keluarga Norma, ibu mertua Norma, rakan2 Norma, anak2 murid Norma, malah manusia2 lain yg tak pernah jumpa Norma, termasuk aku, sentiasa mendoakan kesejahteraan Norma. Norma memang bertuah..dikelilingi org yg sgt3 menyayanginya. Mesti Norma seorang yg baik, kalau tak, takdelah Allah kurniakan nikmat sebegini buat Norma.

Kisah Norma & Talib....apa yg aku belajar? Aku belajar...cinta suci itu bukan mustahil. Norma & Talib adalah buktinya. Kalah kisah Romeo & Juliet..kalah kisah Laila & Majnun. Malahan, Shah Jehan & Mumtaz Mahal pun kalah. Begitulah hebatnya kisah Norma & Talib.

Norma akhirnya pergi meninggalkan dunia. Tapi kisahnya..kisah cintanya bersama Talib, kisah ketabahan ibunya menjaga Norma yg terlantar sakit, telah berjaya menyentuh perasaan beribu orang di dunia ini. Semoga ibu Norma tabah. Semoga Talib tabah. Semoga Rafiq membesar menjadi manusia yg berguna dan tahu akan kisah cinta ibu & ayahnya. InsyaAllah.

Mati itu pasti. Norma dah sampai ke situ. Aku, ntah bila. Yg pasti, kisah Norma & Talib betul2 mengingatkan aku untuk menghargai semua insan di sekelilingku.

Ya Allah...ampunkanlah segala dosa Norma. Tempatkanlah rohnya dikalangan insan2 yg Engkau rahmati. Aamiin..

Dear blog,

I don't wanna cry no more...dengar x? Tolonglah dengar.. tolonglah..

So tired of this drama, broken heart again.

Only God knows where the story ends for me-But I know where the story begins-It's up to us to choose-Whether we win or loose--And I choose to win-No more drama-No more pain-No more game-No more tears-No mo fears

Byk menda aku nk buat, byk tempat aku nk p. Tp ada 1 tempat aku betul2 nak p. Aku nk p Mekah.
Kebelakangan ni aku rasa aku lost. Totally lost. I can't seem to find myself. I can't even find my objective. Aku nk jupe Allah. Aku nk bercerita macam2 kt Allah. Tapi teruk kan aku. Aku bukan hamba Dia yg baik. Bila dah lost, baru terkial2 nk cari Dia. Mesti Dia marah.
Aku nk p sana, aku nk mintak Allah tunjuk aku jalan sebenar. Aku nk mintak Allah tunjuk aku apa perlu aku buat. Aku nk mintak Allah tunjuk aku, plan Dia kt aku. Boleh x?
Jemputlah aku ke sana wahai Tuhanku...sungguh, aku nk pergi sgt3.

doom

A few days ago I saw a colleague posted a picture of an advertisement for vacancies at proton.

So, looking through the vacancies, there were 2 vacancies currently available at my department.

    1) 1 vacancy for Software Engineer

    2) 1 vacancy for Validation Engineer

Then I read all comments posted.

Ramai yg komen syarat2 nk join GTD ni. But for me, the candidate has to be able to fulfill ALL of the criterias below, or else he/she won't stay long at GTD.

So, the criterias are: -

• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan backstabbers. Yup, that's right. Terlalu ramai backstabbers in GTD. 90% (I might be 1 of them)
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan si mulut busuk. Meaning, manusia yg jenis cakap lepas & tak reti jaga hati, perasaan org lain. Oh, don't worry. Sooner or later the freshies akan jd macam tu jugak.
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan manusia2 yg berasa diri mereka sentiasa betul, padahal tak langsung.
• Mampu untuk menjadi hipokrit & pentingkan diri sendiri. It's a must. Persaingan di GTD sangat kuat.
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan manusia2 yg pentingkan diri sendiri.
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan manusia2 yg TAK MATANG LANGSUNG.
• Mampu untuk bekerja tanpa kawan. Di GTD, if you're 'different', you'll be alienated.
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan sarcastics.
• Mampu untuk meninggalkan keluarga & kawan2. For sure you'll be stationed overseas for a longgggg time.
• Mampu untuk dibond for a few years lepas balik oversea and bertahan dengan perangai GTDians.
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan bloodsuckers & butt ass
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan boss2 yg tak reti nak kasi motivasi langsung kat anak buah.
• Mampu untuk bekerja dengan boss2 yg tak amik tahu langsung pasal anak buah. Cuma tau mengarah jek.

Oh god...aku tengah marah sebenarnya ni. ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-si.gadis.ii-

u know,

tiap kali lepas solat, tak lekang doa dari mulut si gadis itu..
mendoakan kesejahteraan semua Islam di dunia ini..yg masih hidup atau yg telah pergi

u know,

si gadis berdoa..
semoga seluruh ahli keluarga dpt berkumpul di FirdausNya...
.......sama seperti masa hidupnya ayahanda


si gadis berdoa..agar Allah menjaga bonda serta seluruh ahli keluarga
si gadis berdoa..agar Allah menjaga kekasih hati
si gadis berdoa..jangan diambil salah seorang dari mereka..sebelum si gadis diambil dulu


bersungguh-sungguh si gadis berdoa
meskipun si gadis penuh khilaf
sungguh, si gadis tak sanggup hidup tanpa salah seorang dari mereka
sungguh, si gadis tak sanggup merasa kehilangan lagi
sungguh...
cukuplah yang itu


Ya Allah..Kau kurniakanlah doa si gadis.
Aamiin

NVY=JELZ

CIK Min, sy jelez tgk awak.
CIK Sue, sy jelez tgk awak.
CIK Atiq, sy jelez tgk awak.
CIK kazen, sy jelez tgk awak.
Semua CIK2 penunang yg bakal bergelar isteri, sy jelez tgk kalian.
SEKIAN

(@@)

Nak demam. Sekian.

-si.gadis-

----------
menjadi gadis itu memenatkan
menjadi gadis itu merimaskan
suatu kerja berat dan membeban
menjadi gadis yang ingin sendirian berjalan

keterlaluan berani akan dibenci
keterlaluan lemah akan dikeji
perlu gagah dan tak reti tewas
perlu kuat dihenyak dicantas


si gadis terus meluah hampa hati
perlakuannya salah serba-serbi
semakin keliru dengan mahu diri
si gadis soal "bagaimana lagi?"

----------
kita gadis memang sering menyongsang rasa
mana cinta, mana rasa, mana dia?
dengar sini, mahalkan air jiwa kamu
simpankanlah dan hulurkan hanya pada dia itu

----------
perlu tabah
perlu gagah
usah resah
usah goyah

ayuh gadis,
berhentilah kau menangis.

-tak.terubahkan

dalam keadaan aku bersujud tubuh sehingga terkebas setiap rongga;
aku meminta dia izinkan kamu untukku
aku merayu agar disudikan nafasmu milikku.

dalam terjasad aku bersimpuh terus sehingga tergamam setiap raksa;
aku memujuk dia datangkan kamu selalu
aku menyembah agar dihulurkan ikhlasmu setuju.

dalam suasana aku berduduk teguh sehingga terkeras setiap hirup;
aku menunggu dia hidupkan sepenuhnya
aku menangis agar dikasiankan mimpiku seikhlasnya.

dalam bayangan aku berlutut tegap sehingga terkemam setiap degup;
aku mengemis dia bagikan seredhanya
aku merengek agar diihsankan dirimu selamanya.

namun aku lupa;
dalam keadaan terjasad suasana bayangan aku bersujudsimpuh duduk-berlutut itu tadi,
telah tertulis atas awan berdakwat pekat likat kekal tak-terubahkan--

jodoh mati sesungguhnya--
wahai manusia, pendeta dan rakyat jelata;
telah siap hikayatnya.

mintarayulah,
pujuksembahlah,
tunggutangislah,
emisrengeklah;

--tak terubahkan.

i.am.meredith.grey

Waiting room is full of people who are full of hopes. She's the only one who looks like has giving up. She feels like maybe she's not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is appreciating small victories. People say she should be thankful for the familiar things she knows. Somehow she feels maybe.. just maybe, she should be thankful for the things she never know. But for her, at the end of the day, the fact that she has the courage to still standing is a reason enough to celebrate.

-sa.sa-