So, today, I decided to log in to my Hi5 account of which I have totally forgotten about; but of course being a social website just like facebook, they're gonna send you reminders to your email reminding you that you are their customer, that you have registered yourself at their respective website and that you have an 'obligation' to log in to your account and get yourself updated with all updates. Huh.
This is what I found, under About Me section....
A simple girl trying to suit herself in this big world. Her biggest dream is to travel around the world. She likes making new friends but she is kind of choosy in making friends cos she has the difficulty to trust people. She is currently trying so hard to make her own fate. The thing that she scared the most is that she might give up and just accept everything that happen to her.
Wow!!! That was written like 5 years ago. I was at that time a very very very simple girl. I'm still a simple person though. Reading that reminds me how tough life was for me.
It's true, I like making new friends but I was very3 selective in making new friends as I faced difficulties in trusting people. I always had this bad feeling that people might hurt me emotionally and betray me. I guess some of my past lives kind of 'haunted' me and made me the person I was before.
I can tell you, that didn't feel good at all. Not to be able to trust people because of the insecurity that you have within yourself makes you feel like you are all alone in this world; despite the fact that you are actually surrounded by lovely people. It hurts, it seriously hurts. There were times where I experienced a strong state of aversive tension.
How did I keep myself sane? I found serenity through reading and studying. Those two things managed to get me out of the so-not-stable-me state at the time. Or maybe I actually ran away from reality.
Then, came another tough part, tried to create my own fate. In fact, I'm still trying to make my own fate.... and destiny.
Fate and destiny, these two words come hand in hand with each other. People say they lie in god's hands. I'm totally opposed to that.
I believe we humans determine our own fate. Our own destiny. We decide our own way of life, not leaving it blindly under god's hands. However, if we are not able to control one of it or both of it, we can at least play a part to what's happening to us throughout our everyday existence.
By saying that, and by all means, a mere thought of me giving up and just accept everything in life is frightening, like spine-chilling. For that, deciding my own fate and destiny would be an endless battle for me.
I have always wanted to travel around the world...up until now, it's still my biggest dream. The world is huge, it's so big that there are plenty of things to see, to learn, to experience. I don't wanna miss that.
I am no longer the insecure girl that I used to be five years ago. I am now a confident young woman, nevertheless still trying to suit myself in this big world with the hope that I get to decide my own fate and destiny.
How glad I am to log in to my Hi5 account...
(sebaik-baik ayat permulaan)
aku kenal makcik ni almost 4 years
dah.meh kita usha apa yg menarik
ttg makcik ni...
membe2 kata :dia genius
aku kata: mmg btl pun (mls sgt!! tp geliga
membe2 kata :dia keras kapla
aku kata: mmg btl pun (batu laie lembut drpd kapla dia)
membe2 kata :dia garang
aku kata: andred percent aku sokong (singa pn takut kt dia) tp depends ar.kalau ko x buat slh dia mrh gk,means dia yg x btl tuh....hehe
membe2 kata :dia tegas
aku kata: mak ai....cacing dlm batu pn kena ikut ckp dia!! kalau dia ckp 'A', ko buat ar 'B'!!Pastinya ko akn merasaknnya...(hitam kalu hitam la..x yah nk ubah jadi putih.buang maser jer)if she says she don't like it then you better not to do..."buat ar kalau brani"
membe2 kata :dia baik
aku kata: baik ker??!! dlm beberapa aspek dia baik ar...lain2 tu, no comment (mood berubah-ubah ar makcik ni...nk ramal pon susah!!)
membe2 kata :dia kuat memberontak
aku kata: hah!!yg ni mmg btl.aku pon xleh nafi.apa aje yg dia nk,musti dia akan dptkan walau apa cara skalipon!! BEWARE!!
membe2 kata :dia happy go lucky
aku kata: mmg ar.asik nk enjoy je keje dia.idup skali je kate nyer...muda pon skali jer...tua sok berkali-kali la kot?? (kuang kuang kuang)
aku kata: huh!! seluas alam 'OPEN-MINDED' makcik ni. ko ckp la apa yg ko nk ckp, ko buat la apa yg ko nk buat, seme ikut suka ati ko ar....
mesra alam sebenarnya makcik
nie..
ko bakar, dia terbakar
ko tanam, dia tertanam
ko lambong, dia jatuh kt tanah
(tarikan graviti)
ko tendang,dia terguling
lelamer ko buat kt dia cmtu, confirm
dia mati....
wargh kah kah....
-dari aku yg mmg baik-
yang aku dengar dari mulut orang
pasal budak ni. he he.....
orang kata dia banyak cakap -->aku kata betul.
orang kata dia sombong---> mana ader!
orang kata dia jalan laju--->betul tu..
orang kata dia genius--->memam pom.
orang kata dia tak suka berkawan---->tak caya la aku.
orang kata dia pandai buat lawak--->...tak penah dengar dia buat lawak.
orang kata dia glamour n fofulas--->memang la. pernah jadi MPP, satu JMTi kenal. Penah masuk TV lagi tu.
orang kata dia tak suka lelaki--->??? ader ke patut. Sapa la yang buat cite ni.
not i may fail this subject. Thank you, thank you very much.Arigato Gozaimasu... Hope u always happy and have a wonderful day.
Ada lagi 400++ komen. Giler aku nak letak sume.
Aku senyum sorang2 jek baca komen2 nih. Belaka kasi komen cam nak wat dokumentari sal aku. Erk, kalu komen2 ni aku letak lam resume aku leh x ;p
Bila baca balik, semua cakap aku nih garang, tegas, degil, keras kepala, kuat memberontak, but somehow, derang tetap sayang aku...sebab aku baik, happy go lucky & derang kata aku genius?? haha. Genius tu melampau lah, pandai yer kowttt ;p
Nurul Syahida sekarang sangat2 merindui Nurul Syahida yang dulu. Nurul Syahida yang garang, tegas, degil, keras kepala, kuat memberontak, sebab Nurul Syahida yang itu lebih berpendirian, tidak teragak2, tahu untuk membuat keputusan yang betul. Tak macam Nurul Syahida sekarang yang selalu teragak-agak... dan selalu buat keputusan yang salah...