Saya Mimpi Sebuah Mimpi

This isn't just any song. This is what I feel now. Dear Allah, please give me strength and help me in making the right decision. My future is in your hand. P

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

Ini entry rindu. I dreamt of UK last night. I was there and it was snowing and I had a great time playing with snow. The dream seemed real cus in it, I kind of remember that it's almost December and it's quite early for UK especially Norwich to snow at this time. When I woke up, I can only think of Norwich and UK and how good it is to be there. 

I miss getting on the flight. I miss the long hour flight. I miss the transit. I miss the airport. I miss the on-flight foods. I miss UK. I miss Norwich. I miss the cold weather. I miss the casual rainy days. I miss the apartment. I miss  the biryani rice from the restaurant across the street. I miss the people. I miss the feeling of safety while walking around the foreign streets in UK. I miss winter. I miss the frozen lakes and the rivers and how I always love walking on the ice in an attempt to break it. I miss snow. I miss going to perfume kiosk of Debenhams Norwich and just spent hours there sniffing at all perfumes. Over and over and over till the shop closed. I miss going to M&S to shop for foods. I miss going into luxury boutiques without that can-you-afford-it?-look. I miss the sincerity of British people especially when I shop. They smile at you nicely. I miss Lotus. I miss the routes from the apartment to Lotus. I miss the sceneries. I miss the river in Norwich. I miss getting myself a cup of coffe from Starbucks and enjoyed it in the cold weather. I miss the ducks at Lotus. I miss spring. I miss Sakura. I miss Wales. God..I miss everything about UK. Rindunya...

But it's hard to share this feeling with other people. Ada orang yang akan salah sangka and bam...i will be regarded as..hmmm...no exact words to say it. Pathetic.

24112012: 12.20am

AlFatihah buatmu Mohd Aliff Rosli. Ya Allah, ampunkanlah segala dosanya. Rahmatilah rohnya. Tempatkannya di kalangan insan-insan yang Kau sayangi. Amiin...

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Ya Allah, sesungguhnya setiap yang hidup pasti akan mati. Life is too short. Semalam kita tengok org tu elok jek. Sedar2 esok dah takde. 

Semalam aku mimpi mak hilang. Puas aku cari mak tapi tak jumpa-jumpa. Real sungguh mimpi tu. Bila sedar jek, aku mengucap panjang. Aku tak mampu lagi hidup tanpa mak. Aku jarang balik rumah. Kol mak pun jarang tapi sungguh, aku masih belum bersedia untuk kehilangannya. Sedangkan abah takde pun sampai sekarang aku masih sedih, ni kan pulak mak.

People always take life for granted. Me included. We, humans, never realize how important things or people are, until they're gone. Pathetic. Isn't it?

Abah, 

I miss you. Do wait for me. I can't wait to see you. May Allah grant my prayer. Aamiin.

I know dreams are BS but I'm still hoping you would come in my dreams. All of us, together. Doing our usual weekend activity, sightseeing or going to the beach. Now I know why I love beaches & sightseeing. It's because of you.

Abah,

I'm sorry I didn't visit you during raya this year. But you're always in my thoughts & prayers. I promise to visit you when I'm back in Kuantan. I will spend some time talking to you. Please be patience.

Abah,

I went to your kampung when I was on my way back to Kuantan during Ramadhan. I stopped the car a few meters from your mom's house. Gosh. I felt like you were sitting next to me. I felt like I'm flying back into times when we used to spend our raya there. I felt weird cus after 14 years, I'm at your kampung. Your birth place. 

Abah,

I have some good news. You already have 2 grandchildren. A boy named Muhammad Naim Aziz & a girl named Nur Fatimah Syuhada. Both of them are Khairul's. They are sooooo adorable. Naim is 3 years old now and getting smarter & more handsome each day. Fatimah (i know, that's fav name) just learned to walk. They both really reminds me of Khairul & I. Love to fight. Mak has slowly introduced you to them. I guess Mak is missing you too. Oh, and another news is I'm engaged! I'm getting married in 8 months time :)  How I wish you're here, and become the tok kadi. 

Abah, 

15 years have passed since your death but guess what. Talking about you, your death and our memories still bring tears to my eyes. Time does heal everything but when it comes to you, it doesn't heal. And I think it won't. 

Abah,

I wish I have your strong spirit and your personality. The only thing that I inherited from you is your body. Kurus kering ^_^

Gosh, it's late. I have to go. Time to sleep. I won't forget my promise to visit you...and please, come and visit me too.

ILOVEUALWAYS

Al-fatihah...

I was on the way to commuter station, in a cab, when I suddenly remember my dreams the night before. I saw you in my dream. You were on the soccer field, laughing with your friends. You must be having a great time, I think. 

Why were you in my dream? After a long long time. I do remember you sometimes. I always think we were meant to be together. Not 'that' together. Together in a sense that we will be good friends till we get old. Together in a sense that we know each other's partner. Together in a sense that our kids will be good friends too. That's what I always feel. Until I received the news of your death.

Dear friend, dreams mean nothing. But I take it positively, maybe it's telling me that I too will die one day and I should get myself fully prepared for it. Al-Fatihah to you. Till we meet again...

Hey Blog,

Long time no see kan :) 

I miss u. Lots. True story. I always have these words, sentences on my mind which I plan to scribble on you but when I open you, all those words are gone. Vanish. Just like that. I wonder why. I guess opening up to you is getting difficult as time goes by. I'm going back to the plain ol' me, keeping things just to myself. Which is NOT GOOD. 

I wanna share with you a few things. Firstly, I'm so glad my mom raised me up to be independent. Throughout my life I was taught not to depend to others unless I really really really have to. You see, when I first started working in Proton, I have no money, no transport, no friends, no house. With the help of an old friend via sms, I found a place where I could...well, maybe not comfortable to live, not a decent house either, but it's just nice for me. I made new friends. They are my housemates. They might not be highly educated, but they are what I call, decent friends. Who were always warm to me, cooked the nicest food I've ever tasted, took care of the house, etc. 

It was July 1st 2010. My first day at Proton. I had no transport. But that is not an excuse for me to not to go to work. I took the bus. Every single day. Before 6.45am, I'll be waiting at the bus stop. I love going to work by bus. I actually miss that. But I hate the part of crossing the roads. They are too jam packed with cars, lorries, buses and worst of all, motorcycles. It usually took me 5 to 10 minutes to cross the roads. Have to be at perfect timing cus you see, it's a 3-lane roads. Both ways. Going back after work was the hardest part. The bus that I took were from KL. And it has many stops. Add the traffic jams, sometimes I have to wait for an hour for it to arrive at Proton. On a very very  bad day which is raining day, I waited up to 2 hours. Amazingly, I managed to live this life for a year! And now, each time I see people waiting at the bus stop, it brings back the memories. I regard them as part of my bitter sweet life. I do have tears each time I go back in time, remembering all this hard part. I complaint every now and then but I always say to myself, whatever happens now are actually a part of god's preparation for me to face the future. 

Oh...It's almost 4pm. I plan to go out. By bus :) Need to get ready now or else it'll be too late.

I'll see you when I see you!! daa...

Kisah Norma & Talib...

Tak tau mcm mana nk mulakan..yg pasti aku sedih. Air mata menitik-nitik masa entry ni ditulis. Amazing kan..i never knew this lady, but her story & her death really struck me. 

Siapa Norma? Siapa Talib? 

Norma seorang wanita biasa, macam aku jugak. Aku rasa dia antara wanita yg paling bertuah di dunia ni. Dikurniakan dengan wajah yg cantik..bijak..mempunyai pekerjaan yg paling mulia di dunia..pendidik anak bangsa. Seorang anak yg sgt2 disayangi keluarga. Seorang isteri kepada seorang lelaki yg benar2 menyayanginya..serta seorang ibu kepada seorang bayi lelaki yg sgt comel..Rafiq. Ya Allah..dia memang seorang wanita yg sgt bertuah.

Langit x selalunya indah..saat Norma melahirkan Rafiq, dia disahkan menghidap kanser otak. Saat itulah, hidupnya mula berubah. Dari seorang yg ceria, Norma terus hilang keupayaan untuk berdiri, bercakap, mkn, menguruskan dirinya, apatah lagi menguruskan suami & anaknya. Tapi aku ada cakap kan..Norma seorang wanita yg bertuah?

Talib...seorang suami yg biasanya hanya muncul dalam novel cinta atau dalam filem2 cinta ataupun dlm cerekerama di kaca TV. Ya Allah...bertuahnya Norma bersuamikan Talib. Saat ramai lelaki diluar sana yg suka mempermainkan cinta, mempermainkan wanita yg mencintai mereka sepenuh hati, masih ada lagi rupanya lelaki seperti Talib. Setia menjaga isteri yg dicintainya. Isteri yg sesungguhnya hanya mampu terbaring, tak mampu bercakap, yg hilang keupayaan untuk melakukan segala perkara. Tapi Talib tetap sabar... Terharu, terasa betapa sayang dan kasihnya Talib pada Norma. Sehingga menitis air matanya saat dia tak mampu memahami apa yg Norma cuba sampaikan.. Sungguh..bertuah Norma.

Kasih ibu membawa ke syurga. Dari saat Norma sakit, hinggalah ke akhir hayatnya, jarang sekali ibu Norma meninggalkan anaknya. Saat Talib perlu bekerja mencari rezeki, ibu Norma setia menemani Norma, menjaganya sepertimana dia pernah menjaga Norma ketika bayi. Ya Allah..betapa besarnya pengorbanan wanita tua itu. Engkau rahmatilahnya Ya Allah... Norma, Norma sgt bertuah.

Keluarga Norma, ibu mertua Norma, rakan2 Norma, anak2 murid Norma, malah manusia2 lain yg tak pernah jumpa Norma, termasuk aku, sentiasa mendoakan kesejahteraan Norma. Norma memang bertuah..dikelilingi org yg sgt3 menyayanginya. Mesti Norma seorang yg baik, kalau tak, takdelah Allah kurniakan nikmat sebegini buat Norma.

Kisah Norma & Talib....apa yg aku belajar? Aku belajar...cinta suci itu bukan mustahil. Norma & Talib adalah buktinya. Kalah kisah Romeo & Juliet..kalah kisah Laila & Majnun. Malahan, Shah Jehan & Mumtaz Mahal pun kalah. Begitulah hebatnya kisah Norma & Talib.

Norma akhirnya pergi meninggalkan dunia. Tapi kisahnya..kisah cintanya bersama Talib, kisah ketabahan ibunya menjaga Norma yg terlantar sakit, telah berjaya menyentuh perasaan beribu orang di dunia ini. Semoga ibu Norma tabah. Semoga Talib tabah. Semoga Rafiq membesar menjadi manusia yg berguna dan tahu akan kisah cinta ibu & ayahnya. InsyaAllah.

Mati itu pasti. Norma dah sampai ke situ. Aku, ntah bila. Yg pasti, kisah Norma & Talib betul2 mengingatkan aku untuk menghargai semua insan di sekelilingku.

Ya Allah...ampunkanlah segala dosa Norma. Tempatkanlah rohnya dikalangan insan2 yg Engkau rahmati. Aamiin..